My STPM results

I will be deadly honest about how I feel about my results: I don't feel anything.

Yeah, I'm dead serious.

It does not matter. Up until now I still don't know what that I want to study, where do I want to study. I don't have a clear vision of the future. I am practically as lost as a person can be. I can't see myself in a year's time in university, let alone imagining what will happen to me in five years or ten years time (darn those colleges and universities asking me what do I see myself doing in five years, or ten years, or twenty years, or... don't care also, damn many years la...)

Darn those As... for what? What's the use of pursuing a course like Engineering because one got A for Physics, when that person is not a hands-on person, not someone who are curious about things that happen all around him... My father told me, it's not enough to be able to understand in a snap of a finger, the syllabus of the subject, but continuously be curious about things, to always think out of the box...

Let me see... I don't even really have the urge to learn how to drive early... I mean, after SPM. I passed my driving test, in fact, almost 16 months after my 17th birthday (the eligible age to start learning to drive). I have always been a simple person (tell me, if you heard me talking to anyone about the latest electronic gadgets or cars or stuff like that...)

Maybe civil? But am I the sort of person who likes to go up and down, letting myself expose to danger, able to communicate with contractors, architects and etc. in such an outdoor environment? Or perhaps mechanical or e&e? No way. I am not that person who takes out small gadgets and see what is it inside....

Or perhaps chemical engineer? Hmm.... never really felt excited about chemistry experiments back when I was in Form Six. Never got my results out good. (i.e. always copied my friends' readings... the same goes to the questions... just can't think so fast.. or is it that I am lazy to find out the answer to it beforehand?) And don't ask me to start counting on the number of apparatus that I broke in the lab (come to think about it, no one asked me to pay for them... why ah?)

If the way we study engineering in university is just like how we study in Form Six then I don't have any worries. It is the speakers of the talks, and the people at the education fairs that 'question our interest to study a particular subject' by questioning us about our past... whether or not we are like this, like that...'because if not, you better consider studying something else other than engineering'... they said.

My parents found out about actuarial science and talked me about considering that course also (yeah, pay is a lot, IF you pass the professional papers which passing rate is like 15%...) Somehow thought about my characteristics, and felt like I should just sit down in the office and calculate, and earn money just by doing so... to be an accountant...(But for that I need to start ALL OVER AGAIN... which I am not prepared to do so...)

I am still blaming myself for making the wrong choices that I made after SPM... I know I should be dwelling over it, but I guess that I am now...